Jealousy

I was a busy girl last night. I went on a date, talked to 3 men through the internet, and scared off the only "potential" heartache. I'm so scared of opening myself up to that much pain and agony. I really want to see where my feelings take me with "Mr. Las Vegas". I'm just not able to. He is sweet, responsible, hard working, funny, intelligent, great in bed, and much more... I wasn't able to follow through last year, because of my feelings for someone else at that time. Not that I understood at that moment. Now that I'm "free"... I am petrified! Sabotage! I know he is extremely jealous and not in a good way. Jealousy isn't a bad thing on the whole, but his isn't a healthy jealousy. I know that and so I used it to sabotage something between us so that I don't have to deal with my issues. I should be in a mental institution.

Enough of my pain... Let's go on to my funny life on the whole. My date was a nice man and I would probably go out with him again, but I don't think he will be calling me. I'm not being vain, because on the whole I don't really think I'm all that. I do usually get a certain reaction to me. I'm an attractive, cheerful, and intelligent person. Usually guys like me. He couldn't get away from me fast enough... I've never had that reaction before. He used my usual excuse of tiredness to end our date as fast as possible. I find that hilarious! I have such a warped sense of humor. He was so uncomfortable with me and awkward. I've never had that happen to me. My personalty usually comes across as sweet and comforting. I came home and asked my mom if there was something wrong with my appearance... I thought I looked adorable and my mom concurred which she usually doesn't. She doesn't like my fashion sense which is ok, because I don't like hers. Mr. Fed was the strong and silent type. It was painful to get him to say more than a couple of words. My BFF (I love her) says it is because he is too uptight for me and he was afraid to let his hair down and have a good time. LOL! She was surprised that I was attracted to him to actually go on a date with him. Than she insightfully pointed out that Asshole was also an uptight, rigid male. Maybe I'm attracted to someone that has control of their lives like I want to have. Possible... I had to point out that I wasn't attracted to Asshole in the beginning, because I honestly can say that I wasn't. I was drawn to my little boy. He was the reason I put myself through hell for a year with Asshole. Mr. Fed was a nice man, but I really can't say I'm overly attracted to him. No fireworks. Not that I've always felt fireworks immediately. That only happened with Man Ho, Hottie Surfer, Mr. Las Vegas, and Landlord. Fireworks aren't a good sign for me. The reason I went out with Mr. Fed was because he sent me a hilarious email introduction. Make me laugh and you get my interest. That was why I went out with Boss Flagger. He wasn't at all like the way he presented himself in that email. Oh well. I guess you can't impress everyone.