My Rant Fest!

One of my good friends have been telling me that I'm a man hater! So it got me thinking... The circumstances that brought it about is unusual. As a friend I will always try to be on your side and listen to your feelings. I don't like it when a man uses and abuses my friend. He is lazy, selfish, and a complete scum of the earth. I just can't do somersaults when he calls her during the day. It doesn't seem to warrant a pat on the back. One of her other friends told her that she took it as he is trying!!! By calling her without her calling him!!! When she has told him a million times that she wants him to call her and they have been together 3 years. I understand I'm exagerating the times she has asked him, because she doesn't like to "bug" him (she hates to nag). I guess I'm a nagger. Asshole used to call me 20 times a day when we were together. I realize that he loved me as much as he was capable of, but it still wasn't enough. Calling isn't a sign of love. He used to talk to me about everything and I was the first person he turned to in good and bad times. He still did it the beginning of this year and we haven't been together for 3 years. That doesn't change the fact that he wasn't enough. The fact that her weasel totally disregarded her well being by going off hunting instead of making a room livable for her. The fact he still couldn't do it this weekend, because he is depressed. I know depression. You might not want to do anything, but essential things still have to do be done. Maybe not the things that you usually want to do that is a "fun" activity. You don't just blow off work and go do pointless things, because of depression. He just uses it as a sheild and he is now using suicide to manipulate her. I've been suicidal recently. We think about it, but we don't actually share that with other people. When you are suicidal you are in a black void and you just do it if you are going to do it. I realize that I haven't had a lot of tolerance for men on the whole. I'm not willing to be a doormat and I'm not willing to "SETTLE" not anymore. I realize that I'm not perfect and I have lots of issues. I'm human. I do know that I'm a bright, loving, and attractive individual that have lots to give and deserves to receive more than crumbs. A phone call is nice, but it shouldn't make her overlook all of his faults. He is a waste of the oxygen he is breathing. He takes her money and sucks her dry of everything even her pride. One of these days he is going to suck her of everything and he won't be there. I will as her friend, but I just can't get excited when he calls her...

As old as you feel...

I feel OLD! This weekend I had a sexy bunny costume to wear and I didn't even put it on. It just seemed like too much of an effort. I just wanted to curl up to my pillows, read a good book, and go to bed. I need to get a life or maybe not. I kind of like not feeling anything. Instead of the rollercoster that is normally my life... I'm just numb and mellow.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN

I love someecards!

My political view

I really don't think of myself as Republican or Democrat, but I do seem to lean toward the right. Usually I can see things from both sides and see the value of each. In the beginning I was deeply impressed by Barrack Obama and found him very charismatic. I was very curious about him and wanted to give him a fair shake. What I found or didn't find out about him like the fact he always preach change, but never really tells us what the change is doesn't make me a happy constiguent. He doesn't have experience and we don't really know what he is going to do. I am voting for McCain and the Palin ticket. I relate to Palin and as much as she fumbles so do I.

I was wrong!

Mr Fed actually did like me, but the problem is that other than the pause it gave me to realize that I misread the situation... I'm not really that interested. I don't know if I will ever be willing to take a chance in the romantic aspect of my life. I hope so because I'm 37 years old and I don't want to spend the rest of my life alone. I have even broken all ties with Asshole. He needs to move on with his life and if my little boy grows up and wants to get to know me again. I will be happy to do that. I think that I was put in that situation to give him the love I needed to give to him and he will have the good memories, but I wasn't suppose to be a part of his life forever. I'm actually ok with that and was able to move on.

Jealousy

I was a busy girl last night. I went on a date, talked to 3 men through the internet, and scared off the only "potential" heartache. I'm so scared of opening myself up to that much pain and agony. I really want to see where my feelings take me with "Mr. Las Vegas". I'm just not able to. He is sweet, responsible, hard working, funny, intelligent, great in bed, and much more... I wasn't able to follow through last year, because of my feelings for someone else at that time. Not that I understood at that moment. Now that I'm "free"... I am petrified! Sabotage! I know he is extremely jealous and not in a good way. Jealousy isn't a bad thing on the whole, but his isn't a healthy jealousy. I know that and so I used it to sabotage something between us so that I don't have to deal with my issues. I should be in a mental institution.

Enough of my pain... Let's go on to my funny life on the whole. My date was a nice man and I would probably go out with him again, but I don't think he will be calling me. I'm not being vain, because on the whole I don't really think I'm all that. I do usually get a certain reaction to me. I'm an attractive, cheerful, and intelligent person. Usually guys like me. He couldn't get away from me fast enough... I've never had that reaction before. He used my usual excuse of tiredness to end our date as fast as possible. I find that hilarious! I have such a warped sense of humor. He was so uncomfortable with me and awkward. I've never had that happen to me. My personalty usually comes across as sweet and comforting. I came home and asked my mom if there was something wrong with my appearance... I thought I looked adorable and my mom concurred which she usually doesn't. She doesn't like my fashion sense which is ok, because I don't like hers. Mr. Fed was the strong and silent type. It was painful to get him to say more than a couple of words. My BFF (I love her) says it is because he is too uptight for me and he was afraid to let his hair down and have a good time. LOL! She was surprised that I was attracted to him to actually go on a date with him. Than she insightfully pointed out that Asshole was also an uptight, rigid male. Maybe I'm attracted to someone that has control of their lives like I want to have. Possible... I had to point out that I wasn't attracted to Asshole in the beginning, because I honestly can say that I wasn't. I was drawn to my little boy. He was the reason I put myself through hell for a year with Asshole. Mr. Fed was a nice man, but I really can't say I'm overly attracted to him. No fireworks. Not that I've always felt fireworks immediately. That only happened with Man Ho, Hottie Surfer, Mr. Las Vegas, and Landlord. Fireworks aren't a good sign for me. The reason I went out with Mr. Fed was because he sent me a hilarious email introduction. Make me laugh and you get my interest. That was why I went out with Boss Flagger. He wasn't at all like the way he presented himself in that email. Oh well. I guess you can't impress everyone.

Helen of Troy

On my birthday I was bored out of my mind, because I was down in bed with a damn cold. What else is there to do other than surfing the net? I found out that I have the same birth day with her and got me thinking... I really don't want to cripple/destroy an empire, but to be loved that much. I wish! It always seem to be me that loves more than my mate. I know I have a lot of love to give, but a big part of me is terrified to open my heart to love again. Last year it kind of snuck up on me. Complete surprise and it didn't end well. Which is a perfect example. Even though we loved each other more than I have loved or been loved before. We couldn't let ourselves be together, because it would have destroyed so many lives... So I guess it isn't possible for me to be her...