HAPPY HALLOWEEN

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My political view

I really don't think of myself as Republican or Democrat, but I do seem to lean toward the right. Usually I can see things from both sides and see the value of each. In the beginning I was deeply impressed by Barrack Obama and found him very charismatic. I was very curious about him and wanted to give him a fair shake. What I found or didn't find out about him like the fact he always preach change, but never really tells us what the change is doesn't make me a happy constiguent. He doesn't have experience and we don't really know what he is going to do. I am voting for McCain and the Palin ticket. I relate to Palin and as much as she fumbles so do I.

I was wrong!

Mr Fed actually did like me, but the problem is that other than the pause it gave me to realize that I misread the situation... I'm not really that interested. I don't know if I will ever be willing to take a chance in the romantic aspect of my life. I hope so because I'm 37 years old and I don't want to spend the rest of my life alone. I have even broken all ties with Asshole. He needs to move on with his life and if my little boy grows up and wants to get to know me again. I will be happy to do that. I think that I was put in that situation to give him the love I needed to give to him and he will have the good memories, but I wasn't suppose to be a part of his life forever. I'm actually ok with that and was able to move on.

Jealousy

I was a busy girl last night. I went on a date, talked to 3 men through the internet, and scared off the only "potential" heartache. I'm so scared of opening myself up to that much pain and agony. I really want to see where my feelings take me with "Mr. Las Vegas". I'm just not able to. He is sweet, responsible, hard working, funny, intelligent, great in bed, and much more... I wasn't able to follow through last year, because of my feelings for someone else at that time. Not that I understood at that moment. Now that I'm "free"... I am petrified! Sabotage! I know he is extremely jealous and not in a good way. Jealousy isn't a bad thing on the whole, but his isn't a healthy jealousy. I know that and so I used it to sabotage something between us so that I don't have to deal with my issues. I should be in a mental institution.

Enough of my pain... Let's go on to my funny life on the whole. My date was a nice man and I would probably go out with him again, but I don't think he will be calling me. I'm not being vain, because on the whole I don't really think I'm all that. I do usually get a certain reaction to me. I'm an attractive, cheerful, and intelligent person. Usually guys like me. He couldn't get away from me fast enough... I've never had that reaction before. He used my usual excuse of tiredness to end our date as fast as possible. I find that hilarious! I have such a warped sense of humor. He was so uncomfortable with me and awkward. I've never had that happen to me. My personalty usually comes across as sweet and comforting. I came home and asked my mom if there was something wrong with my appearance... I thought I looked adorable and my mom concurred which she usually doesn't. She doesn't like my fashion sense which is ok, because I don't like hers. Mr. Fed was the strong and silent type. It was painful to get him to say more than a couple of words. My BFF (I love her) says it is because he is too uptight for me and he was afraid to let his hair down and have a good time. LOL! She was surprised that I was attracted to him to actually go on a date with him. Than she insightfully pointed out that Asshole was also an uptight, rigid male. Maybe I'm attracted to someone that has control of their lives like I want to have. Possible... I had to point out that I wasn't attracted to Asshole in the beginning, because I honestly can say that I wasn't. I was drawn to my little boy. He was the reason I put myself through hell for a year with Asshole. Mr. Fed was a nice man, but I really can't say I'm overly attracted to him. No fireworks. Not that I've always felt fireworks immediately. That only happened with Man Ho, Hottie Surfer, Mr. Las Vegas, and Landlord. Fireworks aren't a good sign for me. The reason I went out with Mr. Fed was because he sent me a hilarious email introduction. Make me laugh and you get my interest. That was why I went out with Boss Flagger. He wasn't at all like the way he presented himself in that email. Oh well. I guess you can't impress everyone.

Helen of Troy

On my birthday I was bored out of my mind, because I was down in bed with a damn cold. What else is there to do other than surfing the net? I found out that I have the same birth day with her and got me thinking... I really don't want to cripple/destroy an empire, but to be loved that much. I wish! It always seem to be me that loves more than my mate. I know I have a lot of love to give, but a big part of me is terrified to open my heart to love again. Last year it kind of snuck up on me. Complete surprise and it didn't end well. Which is a perfect example. Even though we loved each other more than I have loved or been loved before. We couldn't let ourselves be together, because it would have destroyed so many lives... So I guess it isn't possible for me to be her...

First impressions...

I went again to the Elks on Thursday night and I have to admit that I need to get out more often. There were lots of funny moments:

1) When Kara's pet spider was webbing from her back window and Megan freaked out. Not that I like spiders, because I DON'T. As a friend we have to suck it up and since Megan was petrified I took a plastic sack and smooshed it. Which was icky enough, but Megan had me almost freaked out myself with her screaming.

2) Megan and Kara telling a guy friend of Jacille's that they were lesbians... Than going off to dance and have Megan come back to the table totally scared, because a real lesbian started to dance with them. Kara actually dancing with the "real" lesbian.

So it made me think... Why did the guy get pretty much sent to the curb? Because he didn't present himself for a good first impression. I have to admit that I usually don't put much effort into my appearance. Especially at the moment, because my face is breaking out like it did when I was a teen. No wonder people think I'm a teeny bopper... I did put on makeup that night and for my "breakfast date" on Sunday, but as soon as I got home I removed it faster that snot. I realize that the "Elks" isn't really that great. I'm usually yawning and ready to go home around 10. Really wasn't any guys there that interested me and I've find that I really don't like the whole pickup scene period. There was one hot guy, but too young and I wasn't that interested. I was polite to Adam, because he was at our table and a friend of a friend. I hate being rude and I try to be courteous in all aspects of my life. After watching my two young friends dismiss him rudely... I started talking to him, because it dawned on me that I dismissed him also in a way. He turned out to be a reasonably attractive, funny, intelligent guy. Again too young for me, but even I wasn't really interested in him. He was wearing an ugly, blue, mickey mouse/disney t-shirt with god awful tacky shorts!!! I asked him why he wore that to the "club". He informed me that if a girl doesn't like mickey mouse/disney it would be a deal breaker for him. I had to kindly inform him that I love mickey mouse/disney, but that shirt on a guy was a huge deal breaker for me and obviously a deal breaker for my friends. I did think the girls were a bit unkind for being that in your face in their total uninterest in him, but if he hadn't been a friend of Jacille's I would have dismissed him also. I usually get hit on where ever I go, but I try to let them down politely at first. When they don't get the gentle hint is when I turn into the snot that I excel at being. It takes a lot of courage and fortitude to go up to a complete stranger... I usually feel sorry for them, but still not enough to actually spend effort on them. So a word to the wise. Don't wear Mickey Mouse/Disney shirts...

Flattered?

I recently got a text from a guy that I dated a year ago. He saw a porn movie and he thought the porn star looked just like me... So of course he had to (wink... wink...) get in touch with me. I had to look her up of course... She is very beautiful, but I don't see a resemblance (Lucy Lee). She is Korean, but other than that I don't see it. Still don't know if I should be flattered or insulted...